Quina and the Bag of Gummies
by BlueBubbles
Summary: Quina eats the sacred Gummies!!! *Finished!*
1. Phase 1

*Author's Note* Gummies are yummy in my tummy. A quote to live by.  
  
Hope you find this funny. This is kinda more of an experimental fic than something that's real yummy and good, but hey, stuff happens and then you die. REVIEW!  
  
*Disclaimer* I don't own anything, though I do own these eighty-two Spanish verbs sitting on my desk that I have to memorize by tomorrow.  
  
The best way to describe Quina is that he/she is hard to describe. Quina isn't really comparable to anything we are used to. Teeny, beady, black eyes, enormous tongue, largely unproportional shaped body, rosy, white skin. Nope. Incomparable.  
  
However, there is one trait which can be used to describe Quina.  
  
Appetite.  
  
Everyone has an appetite. We all get hungry sooner or later. Quina is unique in that she/he has an extraordinary appetite.  
  
For example: Take the time where you didn't eat breakfast, went to school, forgot your lunch money, went to soccer practice, came home and was forced to do your homework without a snack. Then, you collapsed on your bed and fell asleep. You woke up and found out you missed dinner and your parents wouldn't give you anything because you "purposefully avoided family time." Yeah, that appetite. The hunger that turns your stomach into a constant rumbling cheap hotel washing-machine.  
  
Okay, now multiply that hunger by ten. That's Quina. All the time.  
  
Quina's uniquely distinct appetite can be illustrated in three phases:  
  
Phase 1 - gathering of food. Phase 2 - eating of food. Phase 3 - thoughts of food (which in her/his case is all the time).  
  
I would say the "Bag of Gummies Incident" is good way to find out just how much this eating pattern can be used to describe this exclusive creature.  
  
Quina *gasp!* and the Bag of Gummies  
  
Phase 1 - gathering of food.  
  
Quina waddled down the cobblestone path of Alexandria. Her/His blubber created a mesmerizing patterns of waves that caused old folks to turn away and mothers to cover up their young children's eyes. The only person who did not seem effected by this walking glob of Crisco was a man with a tail who walked a few paces behind Quina. The monkey-man was Zidane. Quina's host.  
  
Host you say? Well, you see Quina can be considered a parasite that will follow a host to provide him/her with the basic necessities. That way, Quina can concentrate on fulfilling her/his never-ending hunger. The unfortunate host is stuck with the lard-ball forever. Even if Quina is thrown out a 10-story window or dropped in the middle of the ocean attached to an anvil, the parasite will return. She/He always does.  
  
Quina shuffled over to a store-front and planted her/his face on the window. "Ohhh. look Zidane, yummy yummies!"  
  
"Ye gods," mumbled Zidane. "Don't you think about anything else besides food?"  
  
"No, why? What wrong about thinking about yummy yummies? Yummy yummies good!" answered Quina.  
  
"Well it's just that." before Zidane could finish, Quina lugged her/his body-mass into the store. "Geez, what a weirdo." muttered Zidane as he followed Quina inside.  
  
You may be wondering why Zidane just doesn't take this chance to run far far away from the gurgling mass. The truth of the matter is that he has before and has also ended up paying for the large amount of food stuff Quina has consumed. Zidane now follows her/him into any area with large amounts of food to stop it from eating away his wallet. Zidane learns from his mistakes.  
  
"Oh, so many yummies! Quina can't decide what to have!" she/he said while looking around at the various treats displayed on the store's shelves. There were baskets of jellybeans, barrels of licorice, bins of chocolate, and bunches of kupo nuts.  
  
"Whoa," exclaimed Zidane as he was hit with an onslaught of candy-covered smells. He looked around the store and noticed the clerk was staring wide- eyed at Quina. Zidane and walked up to the man, who looked like he was about to go into cardiac arrest, and said, "Hey pops, don't worry about my friend, there. He. er. she. er. IT will just pick out what it wants and we'll be on our merry way. Kay?"  
  
"Uh.umm.It. *gulp*" replied the clerk.  
  
"Good, I'm glad we have an understanding," Zidane said as he rolled his eyes and turned to face Quina. "So did you pick out what you what yet?"  
  
"No"  
  
"Good grief. We might be here a while." said Zidane as he had a seat on a barrel of truffles.  
  
Twenty three minutes later.  
  
"Zidane, Zidane, lookie, I picked what I want! Zidane!"  
  
"Uhh. Dagger, just a little."  
  
"Zidane wake UP!" yelled Quina.  
  
"Huh!" said Zidane as he fell off the barrel and crashed on to the floor. "What's going on?!"  
  
"I picked out what I want!"  
  
"Huh. Whoa! All that!" exclaimed Zidane. Quina had so many packages of various treats you could barely see its eyes.  
  
"Uhuh, I couldn't pick out one, so I pick all."  
  
"Christ! Oh well, at least we won't have to go shopping for a while."  
  
Zidane walked over to the clerk, who still had his eyes in bug-out mode and took out his wallet when suddenly Quina dropped all of the packages.  
  
"Geez it Quina, you're such an. whoa."  
  
Quina had the same expression on its face as that of the clerk. It was staring at a few packages behind the counter.  
  
"Gummy." whispered Quina, in quite an eerie way. "Me. NEED gummy."  
  
"Eek, scary. All right Quina, we'll get you those there gummies," replied Zidane. "Hey pops, how 'bout a package?"  
  
The clerk bent down, still bug-eyed, picked a colorful gummy bag off the bottom shelf and handed it to Zidane.  
  
"5 gil please," said the clerk, monotonously.  
  
"Here you go," said Zidane as he handed over the money.  
  
"Thank you, have a nice day."  
  
"You too, pops. Here Quina." Zidane said as he tossed the bag of gummies over to it.  
  
"W, whoa" stuttered Quina. It grasped the bag as if it were a new born baby. "G, gummy."  
  
Zidane and Quina went outside the store and into the streets of Alexandria.  
  
"Well Quina it looks like yer set for the day," said Zidane, eyeing some women looking at dresses at a nearby store, "and I'm set with mine, heh heh. Hey ladies!!" Zidane went off to flirt with some of the town's girls, in hopes of the obligatory panty shot. Zidane had a thing for women. Most men with tails do.  
  
"Hmm, what Quina to do now. Oh yeah! I must eat the Gummies! Ohh, Gummies."  
  
*Author's Note* Stay tuned for Phase, er, chapter 2 soon!  
  
Hehe, Ok well that really wasn't that funny but hey, it was the first chapter of my first fic EVER! Feel privileged people! You're witnessing history as it happens, heh. Hmm what will make ME feel privileged is if YOU review! Remember the time you wrote your first fic and felt SO happy when somebody reviewed? Spread the joy, people! REVIEW!!! 


	2. Phase 2

*Author's Note* I love honey roasted peanuts. The only problem is that their sugar gets all over your fingers.  
  
Anyway hope you enjoy and REVIEW!  
  
*Disclaimer* I don't own anything, but I wish I owned the moon.  
  
Quina likes to form intimate relationships with its food before sending it to its doom in the bowels of its digestive tract. So, Quina will sometimes have a "Me and My Food" bonding workshop before consumption. Nothing special really. Just a little time to reflect on the importance of what it means to be a digestible. Quina can digest many things. It spends a lot of time reflecting.  
  
Quina's "eating workshops" can be as simple as thinking, "this is yummy," or as complex as a six day ritual involving torches, tea leaves, and freeze- dried broccoli. Whatever the case, the "Bag of Gummies Incident" is no exception.  
  
Phase 2 - Eating of food  
  
Quina had to find just the right place for the reflection of the bag of gummies. For reasons beyond human comprehension, the gummies held god-like meaning to Quina. In its eyes, the extreme powers of the universe were kept inside the six-gram clumps of sugary sweetness.  
  
After all, what can't gummies do?  
  
Quina waddled along a path though Alexandria Central Park. The park was a good place to eat gummies- green grass, birds singing in the trees, and most importantly no evil people around to steal the all-powerful gummies.  
  
Quina spotted a shady spot beneath an oak tree. It was calm, comfy, and serene-perfect. She/He shuffled over and sat down, leaning its immense weight against the tree.  
  
She/He reverently inspected the bag of gummies. On the front, a cute moogle mascot was eating some of the candy. It had a large speech bubble that said, "Kupo! Gummies are Good! Kupo!"  
  
On the other side were the nutrient facts and the over-exaggerated description of the product that no one reads. Tiny little letters at the bottom of the bag read, "Manufacturer is not responsible for accidents caused from the possible sugar high resulting from the consumption of this product."  
  
Quina didn't really know what that meant, but it didn't matter. It was time for the good part.  
  
She/He gripped the bag with its chubby fingers and began to pull. Her/his whole body began to tremble with the sheer thought of the gummies. their taste, their smell, every ounce of the gummies capabilities were going to be revealed!  
  
If only Quina could get the bag open!  
  
"Arughhhhhhhh!!!" yelled Quina as he/she threw up her/his hands in frustration. Some of the birds from the nearby trees flew away. Then it was quiet. And then Quina noticed the "tear here" mark.  
  
"Oh"  
  
Once Quina succeeded in opening the bag, she/he took out one of the sugar- coated wonders. It was perfect, bite-sized, yellow and red, the most beautiful thing Quina had ever seen.  
  
"Whoa. gummy."  
  
She/he held it up to the light to see the rainbow refracted from its sugar crystals. So beautiful. It striked more awe than Victoria Falls, the Great Pyramid, and Brad Pitt combined.  
  
Now to eat it. Quina placed the gummy on its tongue. The sweet feeling produced by the gummy was overwhelming. He/She rolled her tongue up into her mouth. Its saliva mixed with the sugars of the gummy, producing an awesome array of flavors and sensations.  
  
Quina's eyes rolled back in its head. Chewing the gummy and feeling its tough texture inside its mouth was wonderful. Quina wanted to keep the gummy in its mouth forever but it turned into a mushy blob and Quina was forced to swallow. Quina felt the gummy go down her/his esophagus and into its stomach.  
  
"Whoa. oh. g, gummy so good."  
  
Quina leaned against the tree and looked down at the bag of gummies beside her/him. They were so great.  
  
"I'll save them for later," thought Quina.  
  
Quina then looked up at the sky. The gummy experience had fully exhausted her/him. She/He closed its eyes and rested its head on the trunk of the tree. A little nap wouldn't hurt.  
  
Quina's last thoughts were of the gummy before she/he drifted off to sleep.  
  
A few hours later.  
  
Quina awoke to a small rubbing against its side. He/She looked down to see an extremely fuzzy and twitching ball of hair. Quina shifted her weight to get a better few of the fur-ball when its head turned around. Staring back at Quina was an over-the-top cute and fluffy squirrel.  
  
"Awww" cooed Quina, "lookie at the cute little squirrelly."  
  
Quina reached down to pet the squirrel when it jumped out of his/her reach. In its place was the bag of gummies.  
  
Empty.  
  
"Y, you." stuttered Quina.  
  
The squirrel looked at Quina and tilted its head.  
  
"You EVIL EVIL SQUIRREL!!!" yelled Quina, "You have eaten the gummies!"  
  
The squirrel gave Quina a "no shit" look before turning and jumping away.  
  
"NOOOOOOOOO!!!!"  
  
*Authors note* Poor Quina! Her/his gummies were taken away. How will Quina deal with the loss now that  
  
Phase 3: thoughts of food  
  
is the next chapter? Stay tuned to find out. OH! And be really really nice and REVIEW! 


	3. Phase 3

*Author's note* I know someone who has a pet squirrel. Seriously. It's the last installment of Quina and the Bag of Gummies! Hope you enjoy and REVIEW!!  
  
*Disclaimer* I don't own. Therefore I am.  
  
Poor Quina. Her/his gummies are gone. Stolen by the evil force that is known as squirrel. I wonder if Qu's have constitutional rights. think of it. Obscenely fat transvestite vs. squirrel. case of the century.  
  
Anyways.  
  
Phase 3: Thoughts of Food  
  
Quina sat beneath the tree in Alexandria central park. She/he currently did not posses the will the live. The gummies had been everything to it, and now they were being digested into squirrelly ATP.  
  
"Stupid squirrel!" thought Quina, "So, blindingly cute, but so unmistakably EVIL! And the gummies! They were perfect! And now they're gone!"  
  
"WAHHHHH!!" wailed Quina, "Why? What did the Gummies do to deserve this! WHY??!!"  
  
After a good few minutes of wailing extremely loudly, Quina began to notice a tingly feeling in its gut.  
  
Quina was hungry. And she/he didn't have any gummies.  
  
Somebody was going to get hurt.  
  
"Oh, I so hungry." moaned Quina, "Me, need, food, ugh."  
  
Very, very slowly, Quina got to her feet. After wobbling a few times, she/he regained her balance and surveyed her surroundings.  
  
"Let's see," thought Quina, "Tree: uneatable. Bench: nope. Cobblestone path: indigestion. Bush: maybe. Grass: looks suspicious, but highly satisfying. Worth a try.  
  
With much effort, Quina bent down and pulled some grass out. She brought it up to her face, turned it over a few times, sniffed it, then yelled, "ITS JUST NOT THE SAME!!!"  
  
Quina threw the grass up into the air and spun around. The gummies were just too good. Nothing could compare with their perfection. Not even that alarmingly good smell that seemed to be coming from around the trees. Nope, not even that, juicy, barbequed, spicy, aroma that was just. over. there.  
  
"Huzhuh?" Quina mumbled. The smell was blinding its senses and luring her around the trees. It was wonderful, sweet, and horribly tempting. It was, it was.  
  
Hotdog.  
  
There it was, a hotdog stand in the middle of Alexandria Central Park. To Quina, it was the Gate to Heaven, and the pimply-faced kid working it, an angel.  
  
"Whoa, hotdogs."  
  
*~*~*~*~*  
  
The pimply-faced kid sighed. His job at the hotdog stand was not going good. Sales were down (because of the newly opened "Ice-cream of the Future" stand on the other side of the park) and was at a risk of getting laid off. He desperately needed the 10 gil an hour, too. His girlfriend, acne medicine, and Wrinkles, his naked-mole rat, was sucking up all his dinero. (Hey, do you have any idea how much naked-mole rat food costs?! Hmph. I didn't think so.)  
  
He sighed again. He just couldn't get rid of Wrinkles. Ashley was gonna have to go.  
  
The pimply-faced kid looked up and saw an extremely large body-mass drunkenly waddling toward the stand. He thought he heard it mumbling "hotdogs", and "hungry."  
  
The pimply-faced kid smiled. Maybe Ashley could stay after all.  
  
*~*~*~*~*  
  
Quina practically collapsed in front of the stand. She/he gasped out, "Me want, hotdog, ugh, gimme."  
  
Smiling, the pimply-faced kid handed Quina a hotdog. She/he stuffed it into her mouth.  
  
The hotdog was good. Very good, in fact.  
  
For a second there, Quina forgot about the gummies.  
  
But only for a second.  
  
"Gimme, another one."  
  
The pimply-faced kid gave Quina another hotdog. Again, she/he stuffed it into its mouth.  
  
Many hotdogs later.  
  
Quina was slouched against the stand, looking a bit larger than usual. The pimply-faced kid was still smiling but sweating like crazy.  
  
"So, so then, the st, stupid squirrel ran off! *hic* And he ate all the g, gummies! Wahh! H, hotdog," wept Quina. She grabbed it, ate, and continued to blabber. "And th, then, I smelled the, the hotdogs, and came, and came *burp*. Ugh. Another please."  
  
The pimply-faced kid, still smiling, handed Quina yet another hotdog.  
  
"I came over here and, hotdog." Quina held out her/his hand, but the hotdog never came. She/he stood up and stared at the pimply faced-kid.  
  
The pimply-faced kid's Adam's apple bobbed in his throat. He stammered out, "Um you, uhh, ate them all sir, er, ma'am *gulp*."  
  
"There's no, more?" hissed Quina.  
  
"Um, no. They're like, all gone."  
  
Quina looked heart-broken, wait no, even worse than that. She looked liked she/he was steam-rolled, broiled, mashed, sluiced, and hung out to try in a hurricane.  
  
"Nooo!! Why!!!"  
  
The pimply-faced kid watched Quina run away. The ground shook slightly with every step it took.  
  
"Boy, that was weird," he pondered "At least I sold all the hotdogs. Heh heh.  
  
.  
  
.  
  
"Wait a sec." thought the pimply-faced kid, "It never, paid did it?!!!"  
  
"AWW CRAP!!!"  
  
*~*~*~*~*  
  
Zidane was having a very good time. After a few cocky pick-up lines and corny jokes, he managed to get the window-shopping girls to have a drink with him at an outdoor café.  
  
"Heh, so then I said to the guy, 'No that's MY dagger!'"  
  
Giggles.  
  
"And then I said."  
  
Yes. A very good time.  
  
Quina on the other-hand was having a horrible time. Being gummie-deprived and hotdog-stuffed, the environment had begun to swirl into a blurry mess of irregular shapes. She/he stumbled around, not really knowing what was what, but then she/he saw it.  
  
A hotdog. Just lying there next to a table.  
  
"Ohh. hotdog."  
  
"I couldn't even believe that this guy was so stupid!" Zidane blabbed.  
  
More giggles.  
  
"I mean, who really does something like that, you know!  
  
No giggles.  
  
"You know!"  
  
Still no giggles.  
  
"Umm, Zidane," said one of the girls.  
  
"Umm, what is that?" asked another.  
  
"Huh?" questioned Zidane. "What's what?"  
  
He turned around to find a drooling Quina staring.  
  
At his tail.  
  
"WHOA! QUINA! NO!"  
  
Zidane jumped from his seat but he was too late. Quina had leapt with incredible agility and bit onto his tail.  
  
"Mmph, hoffdoff."  
  
"QUINA! NO! OFF!!!"  
  
"Jeez Zidane, I didn't think you were this, way," said one of the girls.  
  
"WAIT! THIS DOESN'T LOOK LIKE HOW IT REALLY IS!!"  
  
"Yeah, whatever," said another girl as she rolled her eyes.  
  
"NO! WAIT. UGH! GET OFF QUINA!!" Zidane yelled as he desperately tried to pull his tail from Quina's mouth.  
  
"Bye Zidane," the last girl said as the group walked away.  
  
"NO! LADIES! WAIT!" Zidane pleaded. His efforts were useless, however, because by the time Quina had unsucked her/his mouth from Zidane's tail, the girls were already out of sight.  
  
"Aww, man Quina! What's your problem!?" Zidane shouted at Quina, who was currently lying on the sidewalk, dazed.  
  
"Th, the gummies."  
  
"I had all those girls listening to my every word and then you had to come over and ruin everything!"  
  
"An, and the hotdogs."  
  
"Jeez it! Don't you think about anything else?!"  
  
"They were so yummy."  
  
"Gawd, Quina!" Zidane said as he turned around and began walking away, leaving Quina as a burbling mass on the sidewalk.  
  
"The gummies were perfect." whispered Quina.  
  
Then Quina saw it. A little fuzzy ball across the street.  
  
"And the evil squirrel."  
  
Phase 3:  
  
THE END, MON!  
  
*Author's note* Hee hee! Opened ended, huh? (But then again how DO you end a story like this?) Room for a sequel. maybe!!! WHEE!!! This chapter didn't really have many "Thoughts of Food" but how much can you write about thinking about gummies? Anyway I hope you liked it! Oh yeah, THANKS FOR THE REVIEWS!!! YOU MAKE-A me so HAPPY! And if you didn't already. REVIEW!! BYE- BYE!!!  
  
Luv, BlueBubbles! 


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